Writing to make sense of the world

I was reading on what forgiving a person means, on how I can truly forgive and move on. Why would you do this you ask? Because, I have more often been the one to ask for forgives, growing up my life has sometimes become riddled in events which have put me in a place were other people have been hurt by my actions. This was not a bad thing entirely, asking for forgiveness, was something that once I got the hang of, I understood what the true implications of it is and furthermore to do sincerely, to look at your own actions and feel remorse, to have that drive to get up and ask for a second chance.To know that while I may have hurt other people, I had good intentions, although these don't always pan out. To then look at someone in the eyes, and say, I am sorry. Once I understood this,   I began thinking more about how to prevent having to be in this situation and went through making amends to truly treasuring that second chance you are given. To be given a second chance is a beautiful thing. This also set a mark for future relationships, where I am aware that we are human and I could hurt someone. Ironically, once I learned the importance of an apology, I needed to make to make less of them. Carefully treating people with love and commitment. Then yesterday night, after a difficult conversation, I heard the words, I am sorry and it was for me. This was strangely unexpected, the word sorry spread through my body like fire and tears rushed to my eyes, I was at the other end of the spectrum this time, and for the first time in my life, I felt the pain of an apology. I am sorry, I was wrong, it was selfish of me. Words that echoed in me, still do, now as I write this. My eyes, feel like a damp holding a big gush of water, I want to scream and shout. But I am not angry, the apology swept the anger away. An apology has made the suffering real, what I felt, was real. Sorry is a companion during a difficult time, something you can hold on to.

The words you were not expecting

The pain you thought you had to deal with alone

Measures you took

Decisions you made

 

Made you

You chose who to be 

To be free from the  place where you thought you were trapped

 

When who you were made no sense

When you were so alone

 

Alone with your thoughts

And your pain and love

 

You struggled with yourself

your years, your life

why?

You asked to the world.

Why did this happen?

How did we get here?

 

Then

 

Sorry, you heard

One night, in darkens

You heard the pain in voice

The desire for change

For a chance to once more

Make things right again

sorry

And you knew it was real

You knew it was true

You knew that the things you believed had happened for sure

And here was you token

In one only word

Sorry.